Confusion.

 

The following is a part of the past that’s long lost. You can say it’s akin to one of those faded photographs that pop out of a book when you clean your closet.

…………..

 

I am the sun, I am the shadow that is screaming to the air…
I am the fallen angel, the one who fell in love with you…
You shut your mouth and then you can perhaps say…
It seems I like doing the things the wrong way…
Incomplete as it may seem, I have nothing more to say…

I go about looking for things, I know are not there…
I am the sun, I search my own shadow…
I am a shadow yet I look for my own halo…
In the end I give up, I go home…

How can you say, I do the things the wrong way…
Everything is just the way it should be… Why am I still hungry, still like water…
You shut your eyes and then you can perhaps see…
How it feels to know that you can never be free…

The music will die out soon, the winds will become still…
The mist will clear someday, the rains will cease…
Even then, the water shall flow…
Not within me, I am too cold, I will freeze it all…
Maybe it will flow along with time, without me…
..... ...

Why, I wonder it cant take along with, me....

My crystal ball.

.

One day as I looked into my crystal ball,
I saw you and I found my beat to stall.

With closed eyes I searched for the one face I found dear,
Hoping, in all its grace and innocence it was still there.

So far away, no I could not see the face,
But I knew it had lost the innocent eyes.

Something in me silently wept,
Seemed like someone close had left.

I knew I had made a mistake again,
A part of me lay bleeding, another lay slain.

It was then I wished, if I had not fell
Not to my nightmares, not to yours as well.

I need rest, need to sleep, but
There are nightmares I still have to beat.

I looked outside, at the sun and sighed,it wasnt night yet,
There was still distance I had to run before they met.

As the day rises anew, and the dark night decided to stay,
I yearn for the grace of you, I ask the smile on lips to play.

My time slips slowly as each breath assures what I feel
To entrust into me, just once, I pray I kneel.

If there is a chance to turn back, turn away, turn
And try not to look as I smash my crystal ball, ...and let the world around me burn.

.

A blind man's map

The sun called from the hills, it was day again...
Reminded me I was alive, breathing and still sane...
With my weakened limbs, and battered heart...
I moved out , moved out from me into the sun...


A new sun had come, it knew nothing of my sad past...
Laughed, tried to make merry, make smiles, make love...
I forced a smile back, thus lied to the bright sun...
The stars knew I was untrue, a liar, a heathen...


The stars were too shy, they never faced the sun...
My lie remained hidden in me, my untrue smile...
In me for a hundred years, and a hundred years more ...
Until...

My eyes betrayed me, they spoke of false me...
Revealed my smile false, and the pain I hid in me...
They looked up to the sun and showed no fear...
The Sun was furious, it blinded my eyes, blinded me...

The clouds called from the hills, it was raining again...

Reminded me I was blind, calm, silent and in slight pain...
I could see nothing, Not the drops from heaven...
Neither the drenched forests, nor the wet plains...


A face hovered in front, a face wet with rain and tears...
Eyes closed or open, the face refused to dissolve, it cried...
A face I had betrayed, a face I tried to forget, a face...
From my yesterday, it found its way following a golden trace...


My limbs took charge, they ran a wild race..
Above the mountains, across the valleys...
Tried to get away from the crying face in vain...
The Sun was a stranger now, the rain my enemy...


On a hanging cliff, I sat down to rest, to realize...
From years till date, I hated the crying face...
I learned to love a sad face, to make it my own...for..
The face was now the map of the world for blind me...

Lost in the Rain.

Sighing gently,Walking down the silent hill..Thanking the Gods for the world around was still..
The morning mist clouded the air, was hazy..But the path was downhill, life seemed easy..
Conifers strewn, all over the mountain side...The squirrels take notice, run to hide..
A silent chaos ensued, I smiled...Hands in pocket, I still walked downhill...


The sky rumbled somewhere far away...A light drizzle began to follow me...
A light sob, somewhere in the woods...No,not again, I tried to run away...
A great conifer I could see...I ran from the rain, from the sob...
Under the tree I waited for both to end..Neither ceased, thus I ceased to wait...


The rain lashed on my face...As I moved out of the conifer...
I could still hear the sob...Why should She only suffer?


I found her sitting, head on knees...Her hair played in the wind...
The skies grew angry still...Showed no mercy, not to me nor to her...
She looked up, looked past me ...Rain drops pricked her face....she looked away...
Rain washed away her precious tears...but still neither ceased,nor her tears nor the rain...


Her helpless hands searched aimlessly for someone...Once I had held someone's hands...
I was afraid, too afraid to hold them again..."Sire", she called,I tried not to listen...
The pain still afresh in me, the rain made me cold..."Please" she said, I turned away...
Her blind eyes, searched endlessly.... I moved back..back away from her, back into time past...


She was lost outside, I on the inside...Her tears had ceased, the sobs in my ears had not...
I wished to run away, her eyes will haunt me forever...She will never forgive me, I know..
The rain still lashed me hard...I ran faster, the growing distance made me look back once...
But that was all, I cursed myself "why did you...", I knew the answer, yet chose not to answer...


A monster I had become...
why, no one knew

In the Inn

Night after night, hours by the hour...
A swimming vision, fills my dreams...
A distant light, in the darker night..
Comes forth to my mind's eye.


A wary traveller, an unwary host...
Trapped by the moonlight outside...
In an inn, all by themselves...
Try to make the night memorable.


A foreigner he was, a local lass was she...
Undeterred in determination, he...
Unmatched in rustic beauty, she...
Sitting together, stealing slight glances.


She spoke, he listened, he spoke she didn't...
Nay, she was not rude, for she cared...
Nay, he was not shy, just scared...
Scared of falling in love once again.


His fears came true, he fell again...
She could hear him fall, she just smiled...
He spoke to her, she listened now...
To him, to his delightful words of adoration.


The night grew old, the moments passed swiftly..
The day marched on, 'twas his time for his daily victory...
She looked outside, the dark was almost out...
He looked outside, the day was almost in...



Stealing a few glances of his new beloved..
Was just not enough, he wished to steal more..
A parting gift, a memorable kiss maybe...
She hesitated, he did not, he kissed she did not.


He stepped out into the day...
Bidding her a tearful adieu, he trudged on...
The journey was not yet half done...
He awaited for the night wistfully.


To rest again at an inn...
To have some good wine..
To warm his heart near the fireplace...
And to fall in love for the night again.